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11/9/13 11:15 am - Shaky ground

No secret that the ads in LJ have gotten more intrusive since the latest sale. Playing audio, expanding on hover, etc.

But now they're just naked malware. Immediately redirecting you to a fake Java update page? Giving you no-choice dialog boxes to "upgrade your virus software"?

What a sad state of affairs. But I suppose you get what you pay for.

7/30/13 02:04 am - For the archives of the institute.

Caught up on the Leijiverse, a bit. Did you know that Uchuu Senkan Yamato not only premiered on October 6, 1973, but was, in-Universe, launched on October 6, 2199? So, as good a reason as any to be a fan. Though it was revisited on account of the whole inspiring-Galaxion thing, and then on account of thinking and reading all sorts of things about spaceship board games. Playing spaceship games on my phone and computer. Space ships. Cardboard boxes.

Where was I?

Today I was at the Archives, which is pretty cool. They have been transplanted from a concrete cube downtown, up to a glass cube at York, which is remote, desolate, and strangely appropriate for such an enterprise. I think about what sorts of decisions it takes to decide what is--and what isn't--history. About how it speaks to epistemology, which makes me think about a post I just read about Feminist Epistemology, and situation of knowledge, and do we have the right archivists and everything, maybe they should be a council?

A board.

It's late, which is why I'm writing, because sometimes I need to run out the clock until the words flow, so that I can get other words onto paper. Specifically the words in this report that's been overdue for weeks and weeks while my life comes together.

Life comes together.

I probably haven't written here much at all since meeting the love of my life, not to say that every day that came before was desolate and lonely. But I suppose one day you wake up and you know? And then you build a future, which is what's been going on most days. We know where we'll live, and how. And with whom; with which cats. These aren't things I knew, like, eleven months ago, but now it's eleven months later.

It's late.

The words are finally flowing and it's time for me to direct that current into the task at hand. Just wanted to say hello.

10/8/12 03:32 am - Trouble with the trees

Thinking about the myth of expulsion from Eden in the context of my continuing assertion that I'm not some kind of "good guy" - that I'm just a guy, and we can all just choose what we do, and that once we know better we can't go back to not knowing - all that we can do is do the thing we know to be good, considering the circumstances.

Learning on your own? Eating of the forbidden fruit of knowledge? It's invigorating, and transformative. It's pretty great to realize that you know something; that you know whether it's right or wrong. Sometimes, of course, it comes inadvertently. Being forced into knowledge of good and evil is painful, but once you've got it, you've got that burden. That's how I feel about vegetarianism. I can't really go back; I know. I'm out of the garden.

Same applies to knowing what makes people happy and what lets them down. Once you know, you know. Innocence is impossible. Can't screw someone over and pretend you didn't know - unless you didn't know.

But that doesn't make you good. In mythological antecedent it's not like the tree imparted goodness or evil, simply awareness. Once you know the right thing to do, it's up to you.

I still insist that there are no good people and no evil people. Just the actions. And the innocents - those who don't know that what they did was wrong - I think that is also situational; down to ignorance.

So if you know right from wrong in a given situation and choose wrong, is that doing evil, or even being evil?

Well, every decision gives you a choice between right and wrong, but like any habit, doing one or the other gets you used to it. Then it boils down to behaviourism, reinforcement.

That's how I think of this whole morality thing right now, anyway.

9/5/12 12:46 am - Nothing's the same anymore

Welcome to a new sort of everything.

It's September. That's usually when this all happens, so I can't say it's out of character. New place to live - that's happened before, lots of times. Never totally on my own terms like this time, but lots of times.

New job. Well, not *that* new. When the call came, out of the blue, they asked if I could start four days after the interview. It was *physically* possible, sure. But it might kill me.

It didn't kill me.

New people! I'm very surprised still to be meeting new people. It's teaching me a little bit about who I am, though, to meet new people and still be, myself the same person. I'm meeting them in a variety of capacities --- singing, dancing, just being people --- and sadly sort of cauterizing a few old connections to people. I won't go so far as to call it "necessary" surgery, but it certainly had the feeling of emergency surgery. VAGUEBOOKING!

THere's a sort-of-beginning I have pretty good reason not to talk about just yet, so I'll STFU there for now.

Oh, looks, Pixel is attempting to play the piano. I hope that she remains more interested in that than in eating the wires that connect it to the world, or any wires in general. Vain hope, I"m sure.

Nice to check in here once in a while.

8/6/12 07:09 pm - oho

well, THAT'll take the wind out of your sails.

7/11/12 10:58 pm - Revenge of the cryptic LJ post

My obliviousness sense is tingling!

The best part about this sense is that even if it's wrong, it's right - possibly even more so for having gone off in the first place.

*continues bumping into walls*

7/11/12 11:14 am - Cut to Kratos crawling out of Hades

Hey, a thing happened.

Or rather, a thing didn't happen yet: as a consequence, I'm in a bit of a detente when it comes to service to Her Majesty. This means I get to be in service of the not-so-Royal "I" for a week or so. Laundry! Sleep! Self-maintenance!

...and new episodes of Squideye and The Bitter Guy uploaded only four months after recording!

Judge away, my friends. Judge me like crazy.

Maybe I'll bump up my N7 score, this week. Finish the grant report (now that I know exactly what's needed - and finishing it a month in advance of the deadline is about right).

Maybe I'll see old friends, long gone. Heck, I've already run into a friend I haven't seen in 21 years, and we're grabbing a cup of something chemically active sometime today.

I've seen my family! Twice! In a week! Built a gazebo with my brother and father, in advance of the upcoming sororal nuptials.

You know, even though it's not legitimately "change" per se, the simple fact of a week off of work is enough to qualify as an unfamiliar situation. This, to go along with moving, relationship reconfiguration (read: ending), loss of longtime family pet, and all sorts of other stuff.

Certainly qualified me for a new haircut.

6/28/12 01:00 am - Live, from Capitol Hill

Been on the road with alienne4, yuriko, chanteuse11 and the rest of Countermeasure for about three days now - hard to believe it's been such a short time - and I'm almost starting to get enough distance from the Toronto life to start thinking with a bit of perspective.

First thing is that I observed how much easier it was to create a moment of ego-building self-improvement with my music and my choice of repetitive activity (calisthenics) when I'm in a space without the usual trappings: not in a work cubicle, not in an apartment full of cats and ghosts, and not in my childhood home. So, that was something.

Second is I've watched this group slowly evolve into a performing machine. The road is taking an early toll - people coughing, stressing, schedule and sound shenanigans - but we're so shockingly locked that performance moments that sounded shaky to us on stage were crystalline to the audience.

Maybe I'm addled. Check it out, I've got time.

Millennium Stage concerts (we're on June 26th).

Beyond that, been trying out different sleeping arrangements. Nothing's ideal, but I'm trying to accommodate. I'm not getting happier yet, but it's been pointed out (and I realize independently) that a key for me is to really get it all out. Cry it all out, with a sad song or book or a season of Buffy or Veronica Mars. Scream and swear and despair. And then find an excuse to get physical activity happening, and use those endorphins like crazy. Then I'll be a little better suited for human interaction.

Still, Jess has been supportive, positing out that no matter what I'm going through, Countermeasure would rather have me here with them. We'd want Qwyn here no matter how she's feeling, if it weren't for the fact that she needs things that are where she is right now. And we want Voltz back, yesterday.

And I got a chance to see Washington DC for the first time in a long while. I guess I am still pretty American at heart. Really moving, but troubling stuff. I see it all with more cynical eyes. But also with so much more appreciation of the history and sacrifice it took to build this trophy hall of a city and the country that surrounds it. Having seen John Adams and read widely, plus being in m thirties and not 10, things look different.

Gonna sleep now, but glad to get the chance to stretch my legs. Big day tomorrow.

5/23/12 07:11 pm - Shallowjournal: Routine

Let's get some data points happening.

Woke up: 5:30am. Snooze cycle until 8:00am.
Dreams: Something about working late on a project. LSD was passed around. I partook, donned a cowboy hat, apparently grew a goatee and walked around the dorm (?)
Breakfast: Clif bar (PB Crunch)
Going-to-work music: Paul's Boutique
Personal style: Black cotton GAP slacks, dark green socks, low-cut black Doc Marten shoes, navy t-shirt, fading black linen sport jacket. No glasses, no shave.
Work: Yeah.
Work tunes: Two Steps From Hell's "Invincible" - an album of trailer music.
After work: Dropped in with family at "Empty Bowls" fundraiser where your ticket gets you a ceramic bowl, then a bunch of different soups from fancy-schmancy restaurants around the city.
After after work: Back to the office to finish what's left and critical.
After after work tunes: A Tribe Called Quest's "Low-end Theory". I finally understand "scenario".

5/21/12 01:08 am - Adrenaline

So let's get this out of my system.

Life is not fair.

It falls to us not to give up when it's conspicuously unfair to the people around us.

I'm thinking of the fact that I'm wearing my soldier t-shirt not for its facile answers to problems (shoot it more!) but because it stands for a powerless person facing hopeless odds.

Not giving up, though.

I hope everything's okay for my friends. But I will do everything I can to make it okay.
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